Saturday, 5 March 2016

Thoughts On Depression

To the un-depressed,

For a long time now, I have been torn between the desire to write and to put the very desire in a drawer no one would ever find. Though writing was a strict no, reading worked as an anchor. I would like not to label it as a mere coincidence that I read Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J. K. Rowling, and It’s Kind Of A Funny Story by Ned Vizzini. These books have helped me fight more than all the people in my life cumulatively did. Like they say ‘In the darkest times, God puts the best people in our life,’ I’d like to believe that ‘In the darkest times, God (if it exists) puts the best books in our life.’

Depression is no more a distant relative to our society. And though I’d like to avoid talking numbers here, one fifth of the population of America is believed to be troubled by disorders of the mind, and depression is the head of the family. The situation is grave, and you could google it for more information.

What urged me to write it down, were the situations I went through while it was at its peak. I had decided that these feelings need not be shared with the world, with friends, or even talked out aloud with myself, there are only so many words you can keep to yourself before they explode out at the world, especially when you’re addicted to let the words out. After a lot of contemplation about how this post had to be structured, I concluded that it has to be about depression and not myself, which is why it is the way it is.

Your best friend, your boyfriend/girlfriend, or even your parent might have one, and you might be totally clueless about it. Of all the things I have realized, the most important is how important recognition or acknowledgement is. Depression, mild or clinical, is nowhere inferior to a physical ailment. Most times, the recognition is missing and that worsens things. Watch out. Look for the signs. Read about them on the internet. Talk to people in your life.

Sometimes, people become desperate. They crave for sympathy, care, attention, or whatever you might call it. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. Most times, a person might only do it if you have failed to acknowledge the depression. Don’t do it. Take people seriously. When a person walks up to you and shares what’s going on in his/her world, don’t dismiss them straightaway. Listen. Consider whether the feelings are genuine. Don’t make fun of them. Don’t shut them down.

Depression takes a giant toll on a person’s mental health. It affects different people differently. Just because someone smiles occasionally, that doesn’t discard the possibility that they might be depressed. Don’t assume things. Depression is dark and frightening. Be the light in the lives of people who matter to you.

Often people assume that depression stems from something big: an accident, loss of a loved one, death or breakup, or a shock. It might, but it might not, too. Try not to belittle one’s ailment. Sometimes, the smallest of problems accumulate so much that the heap looks bigger than any big setback. Don’t question; just be there.

Depression is too often accompanied by suicidal feelings. Most people don’t really consider it that seriously, but some do. Watch out. Looks for signs of self-harm. Read about them on the internet. Maybe you can save a life.

Most important of all, don’t judge people with depression, bipolar, or any other psychiatric disorder. These are ailments, like pneumonia or measles are. Talk to these people like you would talk to a pneumonia or measles patient. Don’t be weird around them. Don’t try to dig up what happened. Instead, talk. Share about your life. Give them the space, time, and opportunity to open up, to let out, to share. It’s equally important, if not more, not to be over sympathetic toward them. You won’t go tut-tutting to a person who is admitted for having chicken-pox, right? Then don’t do it to depressed people too. Just be normal. And make sure you be there. Offer a hand someone can hold on to.

To the depressed,

I’ve learned a thing or two, and they matter. Like, for instance, if the people in your life don’t have time for you, to listen to your worries, to your problems, to all that’s there inside you, it’s okay. We’re the protagonists, the heroes, the lead characters if our lives. We expect the others, the supporting ones, to be there for us. But we often forget that they are the protagonists of their lives too. They have problems too, and we need not go on about ours always. But then, we have ours, and what do we do about our problems?

It is pretty simple. Often, while focussing on the people that are most important, we do not see those who do have time for us. These people are pretty good too. Give them a chance. Share things with them. Make new friends.

People are temporary. They come, they leave: gradually or all of a sudden. That’s the way the world works. You cannot complain about it. They may do it purposefully or unintentionally, it doesn’t matter. It might hurt to read, but people aren’t trustworthy when making them your world. Do not limit your world around specific people: friends, partners, siblings or parents. Because it is going to hurt when they drift apart.

Instead, cultivate hobbies. Read. Write. Watch. Sing. Dance. Run. Hop. Scream. Drive. Make books your anchor. They’ll offer you their hands to hold on to. Play your guitar. It might help you feel better. Howl your lungs out. It might compel you to empty out what’s bugging you. Collect stamps, go on picnics, wander alone on hillocks with headphones on and country music playing. Visit college campuses in the evening and observe others. Go on long walks after dinner, and watch the vehicles buzz past you. Learn to enjoy your company, because no one knows you like yourself, so it’s only fair that no one likes you like you do.

Since you’re still reading my words, I’d like to assure you that if there’s no one in your life who has enough time to listen you out, or who you think could understand you, you can always count on me. Having gone through it, I know how important it is to talk, to share, to tell your story, and to have someone sit beside you who really wants to listen. I have always been a fan of listening, and I’d sincerely like to help. You can always count on me.

Most of all, there will come times when you’ll want to sink in your bed, sulk all day long, and want the earth to swallow you up. I know it will be tough, but fight it. Hold on to the anchors, and fight it. Because one thing I can assure you, it will be totally worth it.

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