"What do you mean?" she asks.
"That's the problem. I don't know what I mean," I answer.
"Ravi!" she exclaims. "Why are you acting so weird these days? What do you even want?"
"I just don't know Sam! I don't know," I sigh. "I don't want to go to college, don't want to learn the same crap they've been teaching there for years, don't want to participate in the rat race and don't want to earn grades which are utter useless. I just don't want to--"
"You know what your problem is?" she says cutting me off, "it's the fact that you're answering what you don't want to do, when what I had asked you was what you did want to do."
I fall silent. I guess this is how Newton must've felt when the apple struck his head. After days, and probably months of contemplation, something has contented me. Sam is right. I have spent so much time in deciding what I don't want, that I never really thought about what I did want.
"What I want is..." I say, attempting to answer a question I wish I had asked myself. "I want to run away. I want to climb hills, and walk through forests, and celebrate reaching the peak. I want to spend time with myself; in the company of my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams. I want to enjoy the pleasures solitude has to offer."
"Is it that bad? Sam asks, as a morose expression takes over her face, "the company of others? I know some people are rude or harsh or mean, but there are a few who love you. Your family, your friends..." she trails off.
"I know Sam," I say looking at the reflection of the beautiful sunset in the still waters of the pond. But I'm tired. I'm tired of this fickleness. It's all... It's all plastic, you know? Good college and a nice job and a lavish apartment and an expensive SUV. Nothing's real. What people run after isn't real. And no one understands that, you know."
"Maybe someone would've if you would've tried to explain," she says cocking her head. Her face melts into a half smile.
"I tried. I did. Sis thought I was under the influence of some Yogi. Mom and Dad felt their little boy had grown up, but decided my ideas weren't practical after all."
"And me? You never talked to me about it. Maybe I would've. We are best friends since ages."
"I just thought-- I didn't want to bug you with my bullshit, Sam. If my family won't, why will anyone else? And it's only fair that I make sure I'm not the reason behind my best friend's worries."
"You know Ravi, how you're supposed to find the truth?" Sam changes the topic all of a sudden.
I wait expectantly for the answer.
"By opening your eyes," she says. "The Truth is omnipresent. It's everywhere. You just can't see it coz you've been living with your eyes shut wide. You never even consider opening them. Maybe you're scared of what'll come next, or maybe you don't want things to change, or whatever. But you should try, and see what comes. Don't miss out on a great future just 'coz it comes with the risk of turning out to be anticlimactic. And it's better to survive a tragedy with the content of having tried, than living a sub-par present imagining what life would've been like, if you would've just let go of your fear of losing what you have." And then she looks straight into my eyes, and says, "You know what? Screw it. I think it's time."
"For what?" I ask.
"Time to see the truth," she says and she kisses me. Her lips tenderly explore mine; trying not to be rough, but savoring mine all the same. I am taken aback by the gravity of the situation, but then, I let go. I let go of my fear of losing my best friend and decide to live the moment. After all, I can see the truth. My best friend is in love with me, and it is all I have ever wanted. The setting Sun starts making my eyes uncomfortable as she gradually pulls herself back.
"So now can you see the truth?"
I nod, smiling coyly.
Sam is right. The truth is everywhere. You just need to look. Look inside yourself. All this time, I'd been doing it all wrong. I had been looking for answers when I should've been looking for questions. The trick is to find that one question, and the answer shall come up within you. And that moment, when you finally ask yourself the right question, defines your life. That question is the real deal; for the answer follows. It always does. And that very answer, is your truth. But you'll never find your question until you let go. Until you open your eyes.
"You know I'm so proud of you," she says.
I elevate an eyebrow, demanding an elaboration.
"You found your question even though you are a mere fragment of someone else's imagination, whereas most people who're currently "reading" your mind, still haven't."
"When the stars exploded billions of years ago, they formed everything that is this world. The moon, the trees, everything we know is stardust. So don’t forget. You are stardust." ~ Before Sunrise
Sunday, 16 August 2015
Of Answers and Questions
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